Day 98

It’s been a long time since I packed so much into a single day. I’ve been up since 6, and went non-stop up until an hour ago. Now I have another hour and a half of free time before kickball and I don’t know what to do with myself.

So, I write. 🙂

1. A smooth morning getting out the door. I was even able to do the dishes!

2. Caribou was out of almond milk. I was devastated. I really wanted a latte but it was ok..i would settle for a house blend and an apple juice for A. Then…it was free. The staff felt bad that I wasn’t getting what I wanted and wouldn’t take my money. So a free coffee! And it was delicious.

3. A successful run at the courthouse getting all my papers.

4. Lunch at my favorite stand in the St. Paul skyways. It’s been 6 or 7 years since I’d been there and their tamales are to die for. So. Good.

5. Sneaked in a meeting at a treatment center in between the madness of government bureaucracy that I spent my day doing. It felt great.

The meeting was on the Promises. Which is apt, as my life is a testament to it. I dont regret my past. The happiness and freedom I’m experiencing now are a result of working the steps. I have the life now that I always wanted. Albeit it looks different than I thought it would but it’s beautiful, and mine, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Day 98

This has been honestly the best weekend with my children that I can remember. Only two small incidents, one on each day. I’m still holding my breath but the day is almost over.

1. The apartment never got too out of control today. Any parent knows the mess level gets out of hand easily. I acquired more toys and books yesterday than I would have liked, and they got all over the place but I got the kids to pick them up. The kids are in bed, and it’s not completely trashed. So awesome. 

2. Got to see my friend and went for a walk. I made her a vegan cake for her birthday and I might have been more excited than she was. But we walked, got coffee, and it was good to see her. It’s been like a month and feels like a year.

3. Reading my new book, Area X by Jeff Vandermeer. It’s creepy and addictive. I like it so far. 

4. Spaghetti with homemade French rolls. Omg. I haven’t made spaghetti in awhile and forgot how good it was. I’m hungry again just thinking about it. The girls tore it up too.

5. Quiet. At this moment right now, the only sounds are the clock ticking and my stomach growling (why did I bring up the spaghetti?). It’s peaceful and perfect. 

Day 97

Tonight has been epic. Let me just describe how this has gone. 

Started out by leaving work early to pick up A for a doctor appointment. I left 20 minutes before school lets out, and it’s a ten minute drive.

I get there, and I’m late. Early by my thoughts but apparently school let out ten minutes earlier than I thought it did and my poor A was sad and confused, standing in the wrong area of pickup which would have put her on a bus to some daycare. Crisis averted though! Mommy found her in time. So off to our appointment, 20 minutes away.

We’re having a great time by my standards. Listening to the Amazon playlist she picked out, she’s telling me about school, life is good. Get to the clinic 15 minutes early, things are moving the right direction! Except…we went to the wrong clinic. There’s another clinic in the same city where the appointment is. Ok. Had I checked the calendar appointment on my phone I would have known this…but…we are early so just enough time to hop in the car and off we go.

Get to the clinic. Check in, not a minute to spare. However…now A has to use the bathroom IMMEDIATELY like a 5 year old does and they need a urine sample. The receptionist lets me back and we get it done. We see the doctor, and oops. The sample is no good. Back to the bathroom 3 dixie cups and a water drinking contest later and she doesn’t have to go. Ok. We’re going to take sample cups to go and no big deal. Off to pick up J.

Pick up J. Haven’t gotten far, when A has to go AND MOM IT CAN’T WAIT so gas station bathroom. With a toddler in tow. Get the sample, so ok, now we’ll just drop it off on the way home, nbd. 

Get back to the first clinic we stopped at, and I grab the bag with the cup just in time for it to leak all over my lap. The lid wasn’t all the way on. Thank God it didn’t drip on the seats. So I’m wiping myself off as best I can with the alcohol towlettes left over when A has to go again. Awesome! Perfect timing. Back into the clinic we go. But it’s urgent. And the receptionist is busy. A is threatening an accident, so I flag a nurse. It’s apparent she doesn’t understand the full story but 5 year old and accident in the same sentence usually gets you access to bathrooms anywhere and this is no exception. 

Provide our third sample of the day. Now labs want to figure out who we are and if there is indeed an order for this sample. Provide information. We wait. By that I mean, I wait while trying to keep screaming running children from jumping on and off the waiting room couches and running into the xray room. And out of the lab. And out of the bathroom. And from fighting each other. And from taking the coat rack and using it as a spear. While I’m covered in pee. Lab comes back, need me to rewrite the information. More waiting. More running shrieking children. Lab comes back, we’re good! Time to finally go home.

This all took place in three hours. Now, I’m sure you’re wondering, why is this on the positivity blog? This doesn’t seem positive. Well, normal me would have lost my temper at least once in all this. Stress, children not listening, PEE ON MY PANTS. But, I didn’t. Not once. We got home, and everything was fine. The kids ate, I did laundry, bathed the kids. And it’s been a great night. Im exhausted, and hungry and have the sniffles but I’m happy we got it all done and no one died or even got yelled at. I’m even wearing clean pants!

1. Got to wake up and meditate, eat breakfast and watch the news. Plus, early to work!

2. Cake. Lovely, lovely cake at work.

3. My dad met me for lunch. I haven’t always had the best relationship with my dad and it makes me appreciate how close we are so much more now. I’m so happy and blessed to have him around.

4. Got enough quarters to do all the laundry. This is serious business. I feel like there’s never enough and I always have like 2 one dollar bills and one quarter short but I got it all done.

5. Some bone broth and herbal tea to cap off the night. 

Life is good today. Not easy, but good.

Day 95

I’m sick…went from just exhausted to exhausted+sore throat+lungs hurt. Plus kids = tired tired Lynn. However, a very kind and thoughtful person brought me two kinds of bone broth, two soups, and herbal tea, so hopefully I’ll kick this quickly!

1. Sleeping in after calling in sick to work. Cuddles and snuggles make feeling bad, not so bad.

2. The broth and tea. There’s nothing like it when you’re feeling crappy.

3. I got a new oven today! Haven’t tested it out yet, because, sick but I’m looking forward to it immensely.

4. Watched a ton of tv. Which is normally a bad thing but it was nice that it was available when I couldn’t get off the couch.

5. Doing A’s homework with her. 

And an amazing sunset. A took the first picture, I took the second. She’s pretty good at photography.


Day 94

Sleeping in is the best. I tend not to sleep in all that late when I have the opportunity to do it, but it’s soooo nice when I get the option to do it. Just snuggle in the bed, half asleep, and not be expected to get up or go anywhere. With my custody schedule, I get one day every two weeks to do this. One day in every 14. It makes me appreciate it so much more than I ever did before. When I was with my ex, there was never sleeping in, ever. Either the kids got me up, or on the extremely rare occasions grandma took them, they were being dropped off as soon as possible. 

Anyway, I’m grateful now that I have the opportunity. 

1. A relatively easy morning with my children, before dropping them off with their dad.

2. Plenty of me time. A little cleaning and laundry, and catching up on Outlander. 

3. Two walks by myself. I found a pretty little park about ten minutes walk from my place, and while it’s not very child friendly (not much grass area, a large pond) it’s gorgeous and an ideal place to meditate or read a book.

So pretty

4. Fresh baked bread. Almond millet bread. Might have been my best loaf yet. We’ll see how it kept overnight.

5. Girl time with my friend and a really fun show. It was a good time. Battle Toys puts on a great performance. 

Day 93

It’s been a mostly good day today. I’m a disaster getting out the door in the mornings, today I set extra warning alarms on my phone, like “ten minute warning” and “put your shoes on”. I feel more organized, but was still late for work. So I think now I need to assess other areas. Like meditation. That’s sucking up a full half hour with my interruptions instead of the 20 minutes it’s supposed to take. So if I’m not awake at the time I need to be awake, I probably shouldn’t do it, or do a shortened version. 

Also going to kick the warning alarms back 5 minutes each. I think those were helpful. Just need 5 more minutes to rush around at shoe time. 

Last night before bed, I decided to practice piano on the keyboard. But I ended up not practicing. I started messing around with trying to record a melody in my head, then couldn’t make the keyboard do what I wanted and got frustrated. So I’m glad, there’s still music in me that wants to come out. But I’m upset that I’m not capable like I was when I used to do it. I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. And I know I’m going to be super basic for a while. This also aggravates me. I have false ideas about where I should be and it’s hard to be where I am when I’m expecting…I don’t know…more? I just gotta get that out of my head and I’ll be fine. You don’t get good overnight. It takes practice. Also time.

1. A good day at work.

2. A new favorite song. Charlotte Gainsbourg, Deadly Valentine. 

3. Reading time with my girls.

4. My horrific stomach pain from yesterday is mostly gone. 

5. Snuggles with warm clean A and the movie Sing. A good way to spend a rainy night.

Day 92

Something feels off. I’m not sure what it is, either. I haven’t tenth stepped in months, which isn’t good. I still have yet to go over some 8 and 9th steps with my sponsor. But I don’t think that’s it. I’m in a weird place, and feel very tense and on edge when I have no reason to feel that way.

I’m pretty sure writing out some tenth step will knock it out. So my plan is to do some writing. See what comes out.

1. Hey mommy, guess what?

What?

I looove yoouuuu

2. A day off work. Daycare was closed so I spent the day at home with A and J. Well, A was at school for most of it. But I got her earlier than I normally would have on a work day and we got to spend more time together.

3. Homemade pizza for dinner

4. A walk to the park with the kids. 

5. Early bed for all.

Day 91

There are many aspects of parenting I enjoy. Braiding my daughter’s wet hair while she snuggles on my lap. That moment when the toddler says the “please” I’ve been working on her with for weeks. Those are the ones I live for.

There are also the moments when I’m tearing the place apart looking for the hair scissors I put where little hands couldn’t reach them in a place so good even I can’t find them. (Where in the fucking fuck did I put those things?)

I realized tonight after my fruitless search that I need to get rid of some things.

I looked in all the places that I would normally keep such things, and found items I haven’t used or touched in God knows how long. But I *might* use or want them someday, so I keep them. Like the cake pop lotion that smells like vanilla cake so strongly it gives me a headache. Or all the perfumes I don’t wear. The eyeshadow I got 2 or 3 years ago that I haven’t worn since.

I’m rambling. Bottom line, I just need to get rid of some crap. Then I might (or might not) find things when I need them.

1. I slept in. I wasn’t supposed to do that, but it was warm and snuggly in my bed. I didn’t shower or get breakfast before I left but it was kinda worth it today.

2. I found a hairbrush I tore up the place looking for earlier.

3. An extremely cute toddler said please when asking for her milk.

4. News flash: scissors were located. At my sister’s place.

5. I listened to new music today. No idea who they were and didn’t write it down but it was good.

Made an appointment to donate blood tomorrow. It might be unwise considering my low blood pressure issues but there are over 500 people who were wounded in that Vegas attack who need blood and I think it’s worth the risk. 

Also, this.

Day 90 My cat has fleas and I might have pinkeye edition

But let’s not let the little things get us down! I’m kinda SOL on the pinkeye since I’m allergic to the pinkeye medications out there but I went and got a flea treatment and defogger for the apartment and hopefully that does ‘er for that. So far, I haven’t actually seen any fleas, just evidence of them so I’m hopeful it won’t be a big deal. And I may not even have pinkeye! I’m praying that it’s paranoia since my sister just had it.

1. J got up at 5am, and I got her back to sleep for two hours. Yesssss

2. Ordered the kids (and my) Halloween costumes. A mermaid, a lobster, and princess Leia are on their way to my residence and I’ll let you have the fun of figuring out which belongs to whom. 🙂

3. Dance party in the living room with the kids

4. Nachos for dinner by request. They were delicious.

5. A day off tomorrow. Big plans for bombing the apartment and then Netflix. Maybe a yoga class. Had thoughts of making a roast, but I’m going to see how it plays out.