Do not eat garlic naan bread before hot yoga and other life tips

I should write a book of life tips like those. And include why I know why it’s a bad idea.

For starters, if you take yourself to breakfast, you may consider smoked trout a delicious and healthy thing to eat (as you should). Be warned however, that if you eat it, you will not get the smell off you anytime soon and your hair may smell like it afterward. Which could make the rest of the day awkward if you are around other people and dont want to smell like…smoked trout.

The struggle is real, people.

Lover and I have been doing some meal planning. This has multiple benefits (we save money, grocery shopping is simple, we dont have the annoying “what are we doing for dinner” phone calls from me to Lover EVERY DAY AT 4:35). Today, is Lynn’s Indian kitchen. I took an Indian food cooking class recently and it’s so fantastic.

Anyway, I decided to try making gluten free garlic naan bread. I’ve never had real naan bread so I have no idea if I did it right, but I’m partway through the rise process and Lover says to me, “hey, they have a free yoga class in half an hour. It’s a teacher training class. Wanna go?”

Why yes! I would love to go. Sounds easy. And free to boot! But I’m making naan bread….why you know I’ll just finish it up as speedily as I can and pop out the door! Annnnnd I’ll just eat one quick as I go because it smells so good.

My first clue this wasnt a good idea was my breath. But I figure everyone is sweating at yoga and noone will notice a little garlic.

Second clue…finding out when we get there that it is hot yoga. I did warm yoga once, and it kicked my ass. Wtf am I thinking that I can handle hot? But my blood pressure issues are under control, Lover is into it, I’m trying to lose all the weight I gained eating my stress instead of smoking it, so here we go.

Third clue, there are two spots left in the room. Not together, and the back corner spot I end up in? Next to the vent pumping out hot cedar scented air. There are early 20-somethings females with tightly toned bodies and bared stomachs everywhere, and here is chubby middle aged Lynn. But hey! I can do this!

And I did! I knocked it out, no assists. For about 30 minutes. I was feeling good, keeping up with the pumping aerobic yoga madness that these sweating millennials who have probably never smoked, overeaten, had babies, or done drugs in their lives. Lover is killing it across the room.

Then it hits me. Somewhere around the jumping Jack’s to chair pose and I went down. I go into child’s pose, the room keeps going. Loud pumping music, everyone is swinging weights to Rihanna. After a bit, I think I’m ok. I’m gonna rejoin the class.

Nope. I start blacking out immediately on standing. Luckily I’m against the wall in the back corner so noone sees me slide into a puddle on the ground. Then I laid there on my back for what seemed like forever while staring at the ceiling, thinking horrible things like “of COURSE it’s the middle aged fat woman who collapses at hot yoga”. Eventually a teacher came, and Lover followed and got me out.

Turns out, as I am talking to a teacher in the air conditioning (actually not air conditioning because the high outside is 11°f and it’s a reasonable 75° in the lobby instead of 94°) and this 22 year old tells me I picked the hottest spot in the room and she usually leaves the room several times during hot yoga to cool off. Also? Pro tip, do the assists. I went too hard too fast. I didnt tell her I ate right before I went. Or that I was dehydrated. I was just so fucking glad I was not in that room anymore. Lover also was happy I gave him a reason to leave. That also made me feel way better. It was fucking hot in there and I was not alone in my struggles.

So. Not eating before hot yoga again. Actually, I’m not doing hot yoga again. But I’m proud of myself. I kicked ass for a while, and got some exercise.

*******

  1. I ate delicious trout for breakfast and enjoyed it.
  2. I got some cleaning done that was bothering me for awhile.
  3. I made naan bread and its tasty. I’m not sure if it’s too doughy (it doesnt quite look right) but I’m going to keep trying until I get it the way I want it. I think the gluten free thing is throwing it off. But! Tasty.
  4. I exercised today!
  5. Tonight, I’m going to feast on curry chicken with aloo gobi potatoes and I’m really looking forward to it.

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