I’ve discovered I really like elephants over the last few years. I really like my elephant lamp (see really old post that I am too lazy to link to) and I have a bracelet and was thinking about elephants today while shopping deals on Amazon.
It got me thinking about the animal itself just now. Its huge, majestic. And wrinkly skin.
Which led to remembering the book, The Saggy Baggy Elephant.
I had this book as a kid. I loved it, and when I saw it for sale at the grocery store, I just HAD TO HAVE IT. For the kids, you know.
I didnt really remember the story, but I grabbed it and read it to my kids that night and it bothers me. See, I didn’t realize or remember that the whole book is about a happy elephant who suddenly questions himself after being mocked and shamed for his appearance, then, no longer happy, embarks on a quest to change himself, shaming himself when he can’t and hiding from the world in self pity until he is rescued by other elephants who tell him he is a wonderful creature and then he is happy again, dancing along with the other elephants and his bully is silenced.
Little golden books. Ah, the good old days.
I’ve read this story over and over to three yearold J, who of course LOVES this book, and it bothers me. I keep telling myself, well, its about finding your family and feeling accepted! Why shouldn’t I read this book to my daughter?
Because, when I’m going through the tunnels of my own past history of shame it makes me angry. Why did the parrot need to mock the happy little elephant? Why was the elephant so quick to please the parrot, immediately agreeing his skin was too loose and try to fix himself?
Because this is how shame is taught people. I wasnt born to be a shamed creature, who thought she didnt deserve happiness, feeling panic and guilt the times she was happy. I was taught to feel shame in who I was as a person. I don’t want my kids taught that. I want them to be taught love and to tell that parrot to go fuck himself if he tries to bring my happy little elephants down for what they look like.
I just want you to know, I threw the book away tonight. Love is taught in this house. I wont give time to a book that teaches shame anymore.
- I got to work from home today, and got caught up on things I’ve been putting off! It’s nice to catch up
- I went and had lunch with A and J today at their school. It was really fun to meet their friends that I hear about but don’t see.
- I’m putting new therapy techniques to use. We’ll see how it goes long term, but right now it seems to be helping
- I watched a fascinating documentary about the CIA remote viewing experiments and the most shocking discovery I had watching it was that they scientifically proved anyone can be a remote viewer. I found a website and tested myself. Yep. Watch out. Your secrets are no longer safe (evil laugh………fading as I realize that my secrets are not safe either….then feel better remembering I dont have any secrets anymore….hahaha!!)
- The day is not over and I have time left to make happy choices. Yes. Choices. I choose light and life and right now in this moment I will not let the darkness win.