In my ACA journey, I’ve been realizing how hard I am on myself. I thought I just wasnt living up to basic expectations but in reality I’m just not perfect and I expect myself to be, then fly off the handle at the thought of being criticized. Its impossible to live up to my own expectations.
I’m also realizing how screwed up my family was growing up, and I have no idea what healthy parenting or relationships are actually like. I’ve been winging it with a large dose of my parents mistakes and then getting depressed that I’m not doing it right. I’m working the ACA steps (slowly) and going to therapy, why do I feel like it’s not getting better?
Today I had some trouble getting my kids out the door…I was frustrated and it came through when I was trying to get them to put their shoes on. They both cried the whole way to school while I told them how much I love them and tried to reconnect.
I felt pretty awful, like I ruined everyone’s day.
I called Lover, and he told me I made mistakes, but it was like spilling milk (my favorite example of mistakes). I spilled milk, I cleaned it up, and I’m trying to not spill milk anymore so stop beating myself up. I use this example all the time with other people, but today it had such an impact on me.
I am getting better. I’m aware, I’m taking actions. Change takes time.
I felt like that was really helpful to hear today, and I wanted to share that. 💜
- Coffee. Omg my sweet delicious coffee.
- A shower. It felt extra good this morning.
- Its February and winter is more than halfway over!
- I got to have lunch with Lover today
- Taco Tuesday! 🌮