Thankful

It’s rare I’m feeling gratitude while standing in 7degree windchill while filling a tire that repeatedly goes low. But there I was this morning, freezing my fingers off while I filled my tire with air using a contraption that a very thoughtful Lover loaned to me a while ago so I didn’t need to keep paying money to use the air at a gas station.

And all I felt was gratitude. That I could do this conveniently. Outside my apartment, when I needed to and I didn’t have to worry about having enough quarters or if the pump at the station worked.

Of course, I still have another tire to do. But I know, when I go outside next, I’ll have the opportunity to do it, because someone was kind enough to make my life a little easier.

1. Sugar cookies. Loads of them. Frosted by lovely children who were covered in colored icing and didn’t want to eat lunch but it’s okay, because how often do we make Christmas cookies?

2. Ice skating. I had to opportunity to go to the Holidazzle festival today with my kids and sister and niece. We saw Santa, and A and niece E went ice skating for the first time. E had a hard time, but A did great. It was super fun…the first time I’ve been on the ice in 20 plus years. I want to go again!

3. Two tired, snuggly little girls who want warm cuddles under blankets on the couch.

4. Homemade pizza for dinner. Yum!

5. Having my niece all weekend. She’s so sweet, and A loves playing with her so it’s almost like having less children. It’s weird how that works.

I’m tired, and warmly snuggled with the kitty and girls watching Masha and the Bear. Things are good.

Today is good

Writers block. I have started and not finished two other posts since thanksgiving that no longer seem relevant so I’m leaving them be and just wanted to share good today.

Last night I went to a tincture making class, and really enjoyed it. I went with two of my girlfriends and learned….alcohol isn’t necessary to make one. Which is great news for your favorite recovering alcoholic. (No ego on this girl) I’m pretty excited about tinctures and herbal remedies, and feel much better today after yesterday’s cold having sampled some of the cold care remedies in class. Also, got a great line on where to purchase herbs locally.

1. Easy morning with the girls getting out the door. Happiness in the little things!

2. Graveyard Club. Their music is awesome. 

3. Pho. Mmmm

4. Warm December days. La Niña is my friend this year.

5. Plans of some sort for the evening. Not sure yet what those are but I know it’ll be awesome.

Home

It’s cold out. I’ve had a pretty chill day, but haven’t been very busy which meant I had time to get inside my own head.

So dangerous.

I took on a new sponsee, who was supposed to come to a meeting this morning with me, and didn’t show when I arrived. So instead of going to the meeting anyway, which is what I should have done, I went home. I’m not feeling great physically, and had things to do but ended up hanging out and thinking about what I wasn’t doing. 

Never a good idea.

However, my sponsee called, and arranged for a later meet up. Which is how I ended up at the Alano club where my home group is, going to a meeting. 
I’ve called a lot of places home before. I’ve lived in many places (although they were all in the twin cities) but I feel like the term home has a different meaning to me now. When I go to my alano club, I feel like I’m home, in a way I haven’t felt like since I was a kid growing up. I don’t feel like that when I go to my residence, or my mom’s house, or even to the place I grew up. I get that feeling when I’m with my kids, or my lover, or with my best friend, but most intensely when I’m going through the doors of that alano club to be with other sober alcoholics.

I think it comes down to home being where you know you are loved unconditionally by people who know who you truly are and love you anyway.

1. Slept in, and made myself eggs on toast. Mmmm…

2. Bought new glasses. They’re on order. I’m scared shitless of the price…I never spend that kind of money on something and I’m debating taking them back. But… I look so good. Hmmm…

3. Made daiya mozzarella garlic toast for lunch and ate it with spaghetti sauce. 

4. Meeting and working with my new sponsee. If you havent done it, it’s amazing. Like nothing else in the world. 

5. Adulting is done for the day. Laundry folded and put away. Dishes done. Apartment (relatively) clean. Its beautiful.

Day 100

So many things. 

Today has been productive. My poor kitty can’t seem to get rid of his fleas so we got the vet treatment this morning, as well as forking it over for pest control. I’m done. DONE with fleas. So, after dropping my kids off, I spent the whole morning getting everything off the floors, vacuumed until the vacuum broke (insert poop emoji) swept, mopped, and gathered all bedding and clothes into the car. Kitty and I go off to the laundromat. 

30 dollars and 6 loads of laundry later, now we are parked in front of the building, waiting another 30 minutes before we are allowed back in. Kitty is very unhappy, and it’s fucking cold so we are stuck in the car. But! I have all sorts of clean laundry.

1. My lover is bringing a vacuum over later so I can finish the vacuuming. Then, grilled food and Stranger Things 2. Oh God I can’t wait.

2. I finally got curtains. This is very overdue, I’m pretty excited about putting them up. They’re supposed to be coral in color, and I’m hoping they won’t look excessively pink. 

3. Getting 6 loads of laundry done in 2 hours. I’m impressed. Not impressed by the cost, but happy with the time savings.

4. A flea free apartment. I can’t emphasize this enough.

5. Not having to go anywhere after I get back in to the nice warm apartment. This is a huge plus, with it being 30 degrees and windy, cloudy, and fuck Minnesota weather.

In spite of being very cold, kind of rainy, snowing here and there kind of day, I’m content with how it’s turned out so far. 

Here is a random picture of me with my new chicken, Dinner. She should lay me lots of eggs before fulfilling her name.

Day 99

Everything seems more brilliant lately. The music more powerful, the food tastes better. I’ve been so happy the last couple months but it’s magnified in the last couple days. Life is truly beautiful right now.

The whole purpose of this blog was to continue seeking positivity even when I felt like there was none to be had. 5 things each day. It worked, and my life has grown so full. Not perfect, by any stretch. I can find things to bitch about so easy. But my focus has changed. 

I’m still going to blog, and do 5 positives. It just won’t quite be so frequently. Unless life changes again and I need to again. God I hope not but who knows.

1. Got out the door, showered, with both kids and was at work on time. I didn’t meditate but I ate breakfast. Trade offs, but being at work on time felt great.

2. Potent pink sunrise this morning. Just this intense pink at the skyline for a minute before it disappeared behind a hill but it was amazing.

3. Leftover gf, df, sf lasagna that my sister made me last night. She loves me. ❤

4. Remembering the groceries in the work fridge before I left the parking lot in my car. The building would have been locked 5 minutes later and my dinner plans for tomorrow wouldn’t have happened! 

5. A delicious dinner of salmon, eggplant parmesan (my youngest sister made it and I feasted…she made it to my restrictions with love) and fried potatoes. So good.

Day 98

This has been honestly the best weekend with my children that I can remember. Only two small incidents, one on each day. I’m still holding my breath but the day is almost over.

1. The apartment never got too out of control today. Any parent knows the mess level gets out of hand easily. I acquired more toys and books yesterday than I would have liked, and they got all over the place but I got the kids to pick them up. The kids are in bed, and it’s not completely trashed. So awesome. 

2. Got to see my friend and went for a walk. I made her a vegan cake for her birthday and I might have been more excited than she was. But we walked, got coffee, and it was good to see her. It’s been like a month and feels like a year.

3. Reading my new book, Area X by Jeff Vandermeer. It’s creepy and addictive. I like it so far. 

4. Spaghetti with homemade French rolls. Omg. I haven’t made spaghetti in awhile and forgot how good it was. I’m hungry again just thinking about it. The girls tore it up too.

5. Quiet. At this moment right now, the only sounds are the clock ticking and my stomach growling (why did I bring up the spaghetti?). It’s peaceful and perfect.