LAUGHING AT MYSELF

Today, the very lovable Lynn (aka Lynnie-Baby aka Starfish aka Trouble aka Big Money aka Wonder Woman) asked me make a guest post on her blog. I’m just gonna give you a snippet of the last 12 hours and a few things I’m grateful for in those last 12.

Last night, I couldn’t fall asleep right away so I got out of bed, went into the kitchen and ate 2 bowls of fruit loops thereby killing off the box. When I was preparing breakfast this morning, A (aka A-bae) asked for fruit loops. I had to admit that I finished off the sugary kids cereal. The cereal’s purchase was intended for her and yet I doubt that she had more than 1 bowl of cereal from the whole box. She cried quite a bit and I promised that in the future I would leave some for her when eating kid’s cereal. She was still quite distressed but accepted this solution. Then she wanted a lunch for school but we didn’t have any bread to make her a turkey sandwich, which is consistently what she wants for her lunch. This resulted in quite a meltdown because, in addition to the difficulty of getting out of bed (which I also struggle with) she didn’t get the cereal she wanted, she didn’t get the lunch she wanted and her sox were too difficult to put on. Not that they actually were, but hey, you know? I should go to the gym today and that simple action sounds too difficult for me. I’m not sure why, some days it’s just difficult to do even the simple things that should be easy.

One thing that’s difficult for me is accepting myself when I make mistakes. I shouldn’t have finished off the fruit loops last night. It’s tempting to try to defend myself with justification. It’s tempting to punish myself with shame. Today I”m a bit more balanced. It wasn’t considerate of me but I also didn’t cause significant harm. Today I’m admitting my mistake, proposing an amendment and quickly moving on to have a wonderful day.

Today I’m thankful for:

1) HUMOR! There’s been a lot of laughs at work today. I’m feeling silly and enjoying my own silliness and sometimes the best way to endure the existential crisis I call consciousness is simply with some light humor.

2) Lynn. I’m grateful she asked me to make a guest post. It’s really cool (that’s an understatement) when your partner has a genuine interest in your thoughts, opinions, feelings and goals. She’s very caring and encouraging!

3) A-bae and J-bae. I appreciate that they seem to tag team their tantrums. This morning was A’s turn so J was playful and happy. She distributed a package of raspberries along with smiles and overall good attitude.

4) Music. I practiced David Bowie on piano and the Beatles on guitar today and found myself in that place that music takes me sometimes, that place where my soul is fullfilled and at rest while still excited.

5) Esther Perel and youtube. I’ve been learning and thinking about relationships in new ways because of her 30 years of work in the field. Her insights are available for free on youtube.

AND FINALLY MY COWORKERS!!! Here’s a photo of us smoking the Cuban Cohiba cigars that were sent to us directly from Cuba by a grateful salesman. I’m grateful also that I quit smoking over 4 years ago. Even though I tried not to inhale, I must’ve still inhaled some and received a sickening nicotine buzz. I was NOT grateful for the buzz but, hey, I don’t have to be grateful for everything do I?