6/15/18

Friiiiiday!

I’m kinda in a funk though. Woke up so happy to be alive and then reality bitch slapped my face that I was late for work to a job I’m resentful towards, as well as making the ex late for work because I was late dropping J off with him. My time management in the mornings is awful.

My workday has kinda sucked. My supervisor called me out for looking angry in a meeting. I let her know some of my reasons for being unhappy, but while she’s finally ready to hear all the things I’ve been telling her for years I’m just kinda done. I don’t like my attitude, I’d rather be Polly Positive and believe her when she tells me things are going to change, but it’s just not there.

This resentment is kicking my ass. I did an inventory on this but havent done a 5th step yet, so I’m stewing in this and I don’t like it. I also realized how much fear is packed into this today, and it was like a key clicked in the lock and unlocked the truth.

The truth that all my resentment in this job is based in fear. Fear I won’t get what I want (such as my way of doing things. Not my bosses way-my way). I need to get it out before I do something dumb, like quit my job, carry the resentment into other relationships, or, if it goes too far, drinking over it. I plan to call someone tomorrow, I cant live like this.

It’s a funny thing, my supervisor finally appears to be moving in the directions I’ve been recommending for 3 years, and I’m so resentful I can’t enjoy it. Typical alcoholic right here.

******

Soon I’ll get to see Lover and go share in the joy of the Grooms dinner we are attending for his friend.

I love weddings.

I see how happy the bride and groom are, and its contagious. I get all teary sometimes too. Love is so beautiful.

  1. Waking up in Lovers arms
  2. Dress weather…its finally been warm enough, and I’ve worn a dress every day this week.
  3. Spending lunch outside in the sun reading a book
  4. Found the eyeliner I lost 2 weeks ago!
  5. Its Friday, and loooove is in the air
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