Social Isolation

In the past, I would have taken the term social distancing or isolation and thought about those parties I’ve been to where I dont know anyone and dont talk to anyone, just wandering around looking for the person that brought me and feeling incredibly awkward.

Now, its socially acceptable introverting. It’s now ok to stay inside and play video games all day. You’re doing your part. And the fact that I’ve slid into this lifestyle with little adjustment is making me wonder if I am sliding back into old ways.

When I was married, I didnt get out much. It was a toxic swirly cone of codependency. I let go of friendships one by one, and the two friends I had left knew virtually nothing of the hell that my life had become.

Now, it’s a fight to make sure I dont let go of my friends again. Because its extra easy right now, we are in the perfect place and time to let it happen again. I just have to beat this level on Trials of Mana, this one last boss and maybe then I’ll call my sponsor. Maybe. Well…its getting late. Maybe tomorrow.

***

I’m going through my ACA fourth step right now. So its extra important I don’t isolate. I’m doing my Zoom meetings, and I am so grateful for them. I thought an AA fourth step was hard but Fuck That. ACA is way harder. Revisiting all the childhood trauma and shame? Not just an inventory of where I went wrong, but all the things that shaped me into laundry list categories. I am seeing so much about myself now that I didnt understand as a kid.

I’m rambling. 🌞 I best get onto what I’m on here for, right! The positivity!

  1. Working from home. I fucking love it. I can sleep in longer, no stress or rush to get out the door because I’m terrified of being late.
  2. Starting a diet while at home. So much easier to adjust to when I have to eat at home all the time anyway!
  3. It might be spring soon. There is snow on the ground right now, but we will get there! Maybe?
  4. I have good friends. I appreciate that on a new level.
  5. So far, I’m not sick and noone in my family is either. And I am truly grateful for that.

💜

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