How many things am I afraid of? I’m sad to say…a lot. I’m afraid of being late to work, even though it happens a lot. I’m afraid of not making ends meet. I’m terrified of a math class I signed up for in spring semester. Im afraid of being hurt in my relationship. I don’t even recognize these things mostly though, I don’t want fear to take over my life.
So when a big fear comes along, all of a sudden all the little ones are both more and less at the same time.
Fears are just as deadly as resentments in recovery. Acting out of fear of losing something I have or fear of not getting something I want has led me to some ugly consequences.
I’ve mentioned before about living fearlessly. To me now, that means to acknowledge the fear, and talk about it. I’ve noticed that when I talk about something I’m afraid of it loses some of its power. Then, I pray about it. Letting it go to God is the hardest part for me. I had an incident a few weeks ago, I was having a minor freak out session in my parked car and a voice in my head said, “do you trust me?”
“Yes, I trust you.”
“Then why are you worried?”
That stopped me dead in my tracks. The voice in my head might have been mine. Might not. But it made me think hard…if I trust God, then why am I so worried? Either I trust or I don’t. Either it all works or it doesn’t, and I believe firmly everything happens for a reason. So, very very slowly I unclenched my mental fingers and let go.
The results are that I’m free of worry and everything is in fact working out.
So as the mental hamster wheel is spinning wildly today, I am letting go. Unclenching the mental fingers, and I feel at peace.
1. It snowed hard with big flakes and looked like a snowglobe outside earlier. So pretty.
2. My children were fed, clean, and teeth brushed before we left home. They didn’t fight (much) either.
3. I have left over homemade pizza for lunch…I’m SO looking forward to it!
4. A new meeting tonight that I’m test driving for a home group. I went last week, and I’m looking forward to going again tonight.
5. Seeing Lover after the meeting. I hope… 🙂