Day 85

I’m feeling incredibly claustrophobic at the moment. 

I’m good at compartmentalizing. Especially with the people in my life. And I’m so good at it, that it never occurs to me that this is a small town and people know each other. Or that people from the past that I don’t expect to ever be in my life again pop up.

So last night, I’m in bed, sorting mentally through information I’ve gotten in the last few days and weeks and I feel suddenly claustrophobic. All these separate people are popping up in places I don’t expect knowing people it never occurred to me they knew. And I’m not sure why it makes me uncomfortable. It shouldn’t, but it does. It’s not like I have anything to hide, I don’t. 

I’m also seriously considering not going to a party I was really excited about going to because I found out a person would be there that I dont want to have any interaction with. I have two alternate sets of plans for that night, it’s not like I’d just sit at home with the cat and Netflix. I should shut up…a year ago that would have been me on a Saturday night. 

1. No Doubt, Spiderwebs. I SO wanted to be Gwen Stefani back in 1999. But, let’s be honest, who didn’t? Love that song. 

2. Back in March, I think, I was bitching that I never had time or money for a yoga class and someone suggested you tube for doing yoga. And it was amazing! I started doing it at home and it was great, my back pain was completely gone and weight loss plus body sculpting. A month or two later, I was talking to a girl I work with about her struggle with weight loss after her second child and I passed along the suggestion. She stopped by my office today, visibly smaller, and told me it was thanks to my suggestion because she was now doing the you tube video yoga exercises at home. I feel like I can’t take all the credit, but it feels so good that someone made a very positive change in their life because of something I said. 

3. Got my donut pans! I’m making donuts tomorrow and I’m soooo excited for it. Pictures and recipe to follow.

4. My weekend is filling up with plans fast. I’m pretty happy about this. In January, I was very isolated and lonely. I had very few friends, and made the decision to leave my husband with very little support. I had lots of friends before I started dating him, but slowly became more distant and over time only a few remained. I decided that needed to change and started making the effort to go out after meetings to meet people and make friends. And I did. I’m building a network, where I had only a couple close friends that I didnt see often before. I’m getting invited to events, have multiple text conversations going. Planning tea dates and baking adventures. I am so grateful to God for this. And when things got really hard, these new friends (along with my old close friends) were there for me, letting me cry on the phone and taking me out to do things. AA didn’t just get me sober, it saved my sanity over and over again. The people I’ve met and made friends with loved me when I needed it the most. I truly hope I can pay it forward.

5. Board games and the new Beauty and the Beast movie with A. These are the moments that make parenting worth all the struggles.

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