Day 73

Today I was contacted, along with other people by a person I know with a request to share the worst of the drinking stories on an anonymous blog. I immediately said yes, because that’s what I do, but now my thoughts are going.

I’m not particularly concerned about this person knowing the dark and dirty, I told him a few stories already and I firmly believe he’s a trustworthy person. I trust that I would be held completely anonymous in the blog. I don’t trust other people who were involved in those stories to not read them, and either out me or present themselves back into my life in a bad way as a result of reading.

Fear of the unknown.

I guess the only questions I should ask myself are: how much power do these experiences still hold over me? Could my professional life be impacted? And if they don’t hold power over me, do they have the power to hurt other people involved? 

I don’t know the answer to this.

1. I slept completely alone for the first time in I dont even know how long last night. I realized this last night when I was driving home. I have always had another human or two in the living space every night for an indefinite period of time. I slept well, except for waking up several times to the cat trying to lie on my face. Tonight I will shut the door. Maybe. He does snuggle well for the most part.

2. Winter Rehab by Battle Toys. Also, Breathe in the Light/Breathe out the Light by them is really good. I’ve listened to the album twice, and I’m enjoying it immensely. But those are my two favorites.

3. Two whole days now without a cigarette. I want one. God I want it bad. But I don’t need it. I’m feeling my early sobriety days all over again. I’m trying to remember that and treat this like my addiction to alcohol. One day at a time. And two days without a smoke is huge for me. I don’t think I’ve ever gone this long since I became a daily smoker half my life ago.

4. All On My Mind by Anderson Easton. I can’t get enough of this song. 

5. Snuggles with my girls. They’re having a hard time with the move and they’ve been difficult tonight. But when they calmed down and snuggled up to me on the couch the whole world became better.

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