Day 65

You know that thing that happens sometimes, where you suddenly realize you’re lost in your thoughts and you come to and it’s like you were somewhere else completely?  

That’s been happening to me a lot lately.

I feel like there is so much happening right now in my life, that I’m constantly spinning. At times my brain feels fragmented and chaotic. I know meditating twice daily would fix this, but I can’t seem to find the time to do it. Also it was about a decade ago I was taught to do it and I need a refresher pretty badly.

My brain just keeps spinning today. Did I remember to call the insurance agent? Should I go school supply shopping tomorrow or tonight? What are we doing for dinner again? Oh crap, forgot to email that lady back. Yes I’ll play kickball. Oh wait I have kids that day. But I might not have them it depends on switching weekends with my ex…when should I bring that up with him? Oh shit I need to call for another appointment for A. 

And it just keeps going. That’s just a small portion of the thoughts today. I seriously think I’m having a come to Jesus moment right now. I’m a mess of appointments and a million little things in my personal life that have to be done at every available minute. Like laundry. Or dishes. Plus now I have a social life, so throw in friends and things I actually want to do with my time, and it’s going to collapse if I don’t get a handle on it.

I learned transcendental mediation a long time ago. I’ve practiced it for probably more than a decade now, but not regularly. One thing I’ve found is that when I do it, I’m no longer scattered and rushed and in a million directions all at once. I have clarity, and feel rested. But I let myself get to a place where I don’t make time for it, or if I do, there’s a reason I can’t. I’m going to stop that today. Or rather, tomorrow when I go have my meditation checked by the man who taught it to me. I’m hoping he can fit me in, he said he would try. 

1. A decent day at work. The workload was light, and I got caught up on things I usually put off because they are low priority. It felt good to clear some stuff off my desk.

2. Chocolate chips. Just by themselves. 

3. Got stuff from the kitchen packed at the old place in preparation for moving next week. I still have to take care of some more, but at least that’s done.

4. Early bed for J.

5. Bed for me. 🙂

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